The hustle and spirit of the holiday cheer are fading fast.  Most of us stay-at-home parents never really had a holiday.  The holidays came and went and we woke up on January 3, 2023, excited to drop off the children that are school-aged only to come home to the small ones who aren’t and a slew of holiday clean-up chores.  Hey, but don’t you know it’s a new year, Honey?  That most certainly means a new you right? 

Some of us are lucky, we can take an extra hour of grocery shopping to sleep in the Walmart parking lot or cry soft tears as we watch one episode of From Scratch on Netflix without someone calling our name for something.  My favorite is the random sticky thing that worked its way from the back of an object to the mouth of the little one, then repurposed as gunk on the rug, carpet, or couch.  Then, they have the nerve to ask, “Ma, what’s that?” 

Stay-at-home parents are on the clock 365.  There are no days off, no holidays, no sick days, and no personal days.  We sacrifice the “me” in the mix to give our family a stable, dependable, and consistent atmosphere.  I laughed as I typed the last sentence because it’s basically organized chaos in my house.  Please understand the term “organized” is only used when providing a schedule for the small hands in the household.  The bigger their hands, the more independence they have.  Hopefully, more independence leads to less dependency.  I have not reached that part yet.  But I am hoping for a “golf clap” in the coming years signifying the arrival of independence.  Until then: I am a teacher, cleaner, shopper, driver, play date organizer, hairdresser, fashion fixer, chef, doctor, and peacemaker.  But none of those titles really sum up the power or impact that I have on our lives.  

The best summative title for me is what my family calls me: “Ma.”  Ma is like an all-inclusive resort, only I come with snacks, hugs, and kisses on demand.  Ma does the most to keep our house and family together; yet Mommy, my wife, is still the favorite. The parent who is around the most is often the one taken for granted the most. In our home, Mommy is the one that is asked for when the kids are sick, scared, or sleepy.  Ma is the one who will remove the monsters from under the bed like Damon Wayans in Major Payne.  Mommy is the one that sleeps in the toddler bed ten sizes too small til morning to make sure the monsters stay gone. What are you called in your family and what does it mean to you?

With all the changes the new year brings many of us are faced with the same situation just a new day. My wife continues to work hard outside of the home, while my work and life continue to be our home and family. Stay-at-home parents fail to receive the kind of accolades working parents receive from society. Nonetheless,  I say keep doing what you are doing.  The consistency and care you provide ensure your children adjust and grow in a constantly changing society.

As my child went from working alongside my wife for the first two years of her life to being in my constant care (especially throughout the pandemic), I was always asked “Ma, Where’s Mommy?”  I always responded with “Mommy’s at work.” It’s important that she knows her Mommy is making money to support all of the fun things we get to do together while she ensures we have the money needed to pay our bills. The question is a central theme and the title of my first book which is available as an eBook on Amazon and will soon be available for purchase in paperback at Barnes and Noble.